THE TRIBAL DANCE

Do you know what's preventing you from reaching your full potential? To give you the ability to address the root of the problem, I am going to put into your perspective a concept that I will be referring to, quite often, throughout these pages... the tribe.

So what is the tribe? It's the crowd that you are interacting with on a regular basis and has the potential to control you and suck you dry if you let them... that crowd animated by subtle, primal instincts of immediate gratification, domination, selfishness, and greed. They are more concerned with survival rather than living and at time of crisis, they feed on each other's energy and resources, rather than looking for a solution outside the box. Don't blame them. They cannot see further than the neighbor's backyard, mostly because they are not wired that way. They can be family, friends, community, co-workers, neighbors, higher-ups, etc. Just google "tribe psychology" if you want to know more. Here, I am going to keep it short and easy and give you my own view on it.

The tribe will always need your services, for their personal best, rather than common good, and the least, for your own good. Many give in to the demands of the tribe and eventually lose their dreams, aspirations, health, or even life. I'm sure that you all know such a sacrificed individual and you know as well that not only nobody ever raised a statue in their honor, but actually laughed at their dreams and picked on their weaknesses. And for those who believe that they are living in a bubble of unconditional love or among an uplifting group of selfless cheerleaders, just because they are family, here's a tip on how to separate the tribe from those who really love you and cheer for you: the tribe may help you at the time of need but those to keep around will also be happy when you'll be happy and you'll accomplish something through your own powers.

Those who are happy when you're happy will help you at time of need, with no expectations from you. They know that the generosity of the universe manifests through all kind of channels and that, in their time of need, they will be taken care of, no matter what. So they won't throw that burden on your shoulders and demand your gratitude. The tribe will always help you now so they can use you later, they will help you so they won't be judged by the rest of the tribe, or just to feel better about themselves. They will only help you by feeding you a fish, rather than teach you fishing.

The tribe will fear your independence and self-sufficiency and will go to their greatest length possible to sabotage you. Stop being gullible. A jerk is a jerk and being someone's family or BFF will not wipe "jerk" off their resume. Can you ignore them entirely and go on with your life? Yes, you can and sometimes, that's the best solution. But most of the time you still have to deal with them, so, simply put the tribe in its place by setting healthy (for you!) boundaries. Forget about what's healthy for them. If they live into this degree of dependency, they absolutely have no idea what healthy for them is, anyway. You may try to enlighten them and open their minds. Good for you when and if you can!... But if it doesn't work, move on and mind your own business. 

So, this is what you need to do, whenever you need an icy-cold splash in the face, to take you back to reality. First, start with taking responsibility for your past, (for example, your extra pounds, your failed relationships, your lack of money, etc.) and what you did to yourself to get there. Are you beating yourself up, yet? Good, cuz you should!... So, now, start with taking responsibility for your future, aka your potential suffering and how that will impact those around you if you continue on the same path... And shake yourself up, unplug yourself from whatever is draining you out, immediately!

If you keep staying in a rut, don't blame it on obligations and circumstances. You're the one choosing to let them run your life. When the world aligns with your nature, you get order. When you align yourself with what the world demands, you get chaos. Put yourself together because you know what? To take care of others, you first need to take care of yourself... You have 2 choices: 1) to give into the tribe's wants and tantrums and end up being used and ridiculed, or... 2) to stick to your own agenda and accomplish something. Don't worry, when they'll see you successful, they'll come around and they might even lay down a red carpet, for you. It's the only way to make them respect you. Remember, winners are never being kept accountable, only losers are.

I wouldn't go so far as to hope for love or appreciation from the part of the tribe. I don't think that they really know what those mean. So, never fall into the trap of trying to accomplish something, just to please them or just to go against them. In these cases, they are still running your life. Go only for what is true to yourself. And your truthfulness always starts with your hunches, a clean, healthy mindset, a flexible perspective on life, and how much you appreciate yourself. Monkeys on your back? Go out into the jungle and kick some a$$!